Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Letters to Dad

Dear Dad -
It has been well over two years since we last spoke and a lot has changed since you left to go home. No matter what, I don't think I can get used to the inability to call you every other day. I don't like communicating to you this way at all.

I went fishing with Pops(Ernie), Robbie and Kameron this past weekend and they all send their regards. I think Ernie misses you as much as I do. The weather was awesome but the fish were being stubborn. We caught plenty and should be thankful for that and the time together but I think we all had bigger expectations. I still love to fish as much as ever but it isn't the same when you aren't with us.

Sidney is fifteen now and has her learners license. She gets to drive quite a bit but it still scares the hell out of me and the thought of her going solo scares me even more. She's on the MCHS golf team and seems to really enjoy playing. I wish you could help coach her. I think she can be really good. You would be so proud. I am. More importantly, when she isn't fighting with her sister or mother she's turning into a fine young lady. I don't know that I could ask for more. She does have a boyfriend and yes I keep a shotgun loaded.

Blake is eleven and she is a complex young lady and is growing WAY TOO FAST right now. She is really doing great with dance/gymnastics and I am amazed at all the new stuff she can do. She's had a few issues coping with feelings and anxieties but we are proud of her all the same. We are waiting for her to open up a bit so we can love her even more. When it comes to Blake I often feel like I fall short of loving my kids like you loved Windi and I. I know I love her no less but her actions make me feel like I don't do it enough. I don't think she KNOWS she's loved like I knew I was. Solidifying that understanding is where I feel I fall short.

Carter is growing fast and will soon be four. He's smart, witty and just as much a handful as you last saw him. He has no lack of energy. Only time will tell where his interest lie in the future. For now it's superheros and dinosaurs and I'm OK with that. He also shares my love for video games. I'm OK with that too. It tears me up that he doesn't know you like I do. I can only try to show him the love you would  - same as the other two.

Alisha is doing great and you were right when you said I "picked a fine one". She's been a great wife and mother as always. We are both stressing a bit over the buying a car deal right now. Never really did this without your input and involvement and in most every case your help through wholesale. This time we are on our own. We plan on paying cash for Sidney a car and although I suspect you may object we are considering KIA's and Hundai's because the reviews have been so good. Also against what I've been taught in buying a vehicle, I'm considering a new truck rather than buying it used. It's hard not to consider the option with zero % interest hanging over your head. Nevertheless, I grew up in the car business and a salesman has a bad day trying to run me through the gauntlet.

Mom reminds me that I forgot to tell you how much she misses and loves you. She just had hand surgery that's keeping her out of work and all over the rest of us. She didn't make any cake for our fishing trip, probably because of her hand. Since I'm still in weight loss mode, I was thankful for that. She drove to a woman's conference this past weekend which is a sign she is feeling much better. Pops says that means she can start doing the cooking again. We'll just have to see how that goes. I suspect Pops will be wearing an apron for a few more weeks.

My walk with Christ has never been stronger. Yea, I may say an unsavory word or statement every now and then but there is no denying I'm serving the Lord and hard at it. I'm also loving every minute of it. So I guess you could say everything is going well aside from the fact you aren't here. I love you and miss you and really wish we could just go fishing. That will likely be a while however. Cancer sucks and I feel like I've waited long enough now to talk to you. What a bunch of horse shit that I cannot!

Until then keep the boat gassed up and the bait bucket full.

Love you Dad -

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